He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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