So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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