i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
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Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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