tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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