I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
