Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
