i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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