was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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