see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
love makes seman taste better
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
