so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
