is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
