the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
