ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
