good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
