Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
