My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
