My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
