She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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