I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
