just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
