its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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