I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
