At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
