We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
