imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
