Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
pray to the hookup gods
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
