Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
