I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
