He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My ass is underappreciated
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
