Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
