I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH