Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one