He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
if only i could text you this smell
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball