Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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