yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
