I just threw up on my dentist
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
