Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
