I'm so fucking centered right now
I just saw a hot homeless man
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My feet surprised me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
