dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
