I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
