i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
