his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
