the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
