Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He? As in you personified your dick?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
