It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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