he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
