You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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