We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
