ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just had sex bonerless
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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