Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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