I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
