i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
