guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
