Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
