I wannas sexs uuuuu
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
