That's intense
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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