i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
