I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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