i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
