First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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