Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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