Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice