i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm too high and old for this...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.