So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Sorry my hands just texted you
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage