Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.