Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
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we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
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FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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